So..I have been TMI lately. Why? I have not been satisfied with how things have been going.
I have been very depressed and low lately. Why? Well, overthinking.
I am 28 years old and I still live at home. I don’t have a place of my own. I can’t move out because I am broke. I am in student debt and my salary was not going well. Now, I am changing my career and it is not what I thought I would be doing. Pay isn’t desirable but health insurance is great. I haven’t gone to a dentist or eye doctor since so was 25. I have found that I have become a failure. Life is taking a hard left turn and I am not sure what will happen for my future. I am not sure if I will ever be able to move out.
Since I have been stressing so much about money, future, acceptance, and wanting people to be proud of me..I am geared back to food. I found a bag of chips, ice cream, and candy to be satisfying. I found it was the only thing I can control right now in my life. I was thinking, “Well..I can afford this bag of candy and it makes me happy because I can’t afford anything else.” Well..now I am heavier and feeling less healthy.
On the left was last summer. I was 183 lbs. on the right was the beginning of this month. I am 217 lbs. Since last year, I have gained 34 lbs. Granted, I lost weight the start of the year but I gained it all back and more.
I stopped tracking. I stopped working out. I stopped caring. A lot of the times I felt everything was pointless. I couldn’t see my future and nothing seemed to be going right. Still isn’t..but this is not excuse to not be healthy.
So..this Rachel Ray guest is a failure.
I have a hard time walking up stairs without breathing hard. My clothes don’t fit. My skin is breaking out with pimples and psoriasis. I get really bad headaches. I have low self esteem and my confidence is gone.
However, I went back to Weight Watchers this morning. Today I am changing myself again. I did this before and I can do it again. Life is too short to be unhappy and feeling this way. If I am not happy, I will change it. I will not let the past ruin my present and future.
I hope this works..